bad jokes

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK JEDI IF...
1. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage
3. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, or Mad Dog 20-20.
4. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
5. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
6. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
7. You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.
8. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.'
9. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
10. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
11. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
12. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the darkside... it'll be a hoot."
13. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defenseelectro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
14. You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.
15. You think Han Solo would look better in flannel cause he looks a little sissy in that vest.
16. You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
17. You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to slide in through the window.
18. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
19. You ever fell in love with your sister.
20. You have ever referred to Darth Vader's evil empire as "them damn Yankees."
21. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
22. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
23. You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.
24. In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow "just ain't right."


A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading "WHERE AM I?" and hold it up for the building's occupants to see.
People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer."

One thing I've learned from Battlestar Galactica:

In the future, they like to cut corners

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops in a bar for a beer.

As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says, "You smell kind of nerdy, and just what do you do for a living?"

The truck driver says, "I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling."

The bartender says, "OK, truck drivers are not nerds," and serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long.

The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.

The truck driver asks, "Why did you do that?"

The bartender said, "Oh, don't worry, the nerds are over-populating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license."

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, And heads back onto the freeway.

Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway.

He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.

He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.

A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."

"Sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."


three peanuts were walking down the street.

one was assalted...

(that one sounds better when you say it out loud...got it from Monty Python's Flying Circus, man!!! gotta love them...)


A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."




see, i told you they were bad jokes. i just couldn't help myself, i had to put them down...