i haven't written anything for a while. i'm sorry.

i've been feeling so crazy lately...crazy because it's like i don't feel any really strong emotions...ever...i laugh, sometimes almost crazily, i cry sometimes, and again, sometimes almost looking like a crazy person, but i don't really feel the emotion that caused it. i want so desperately to feel something. i want someone, something, anything, anyone, to wake me up, somehow...

the only things that make me feel any type of inside emotion is really passionate music...like the song i'm listening to right now... "Well Enough Alone," by Chevelle. i don't have that particular album by them, but i have two others, and i want whatever this one's on.

i never thought that i'd understand when i listen to Sully Erna of Godsmack sing "Never thought i would be sick of my life..."


on to other things...

i have a bit of a thing for this guy in my school, my cousin's ex-boyfriend. i really like him...he's one of the few people who are decent to me. and i made the mistake of telling BJ, my best friend of ten years, and Kate and Emily. they think i should ask him out. i don't think i'm dating material. i've been in three relationships and only one of them lasted longer then two weeks, and that was because she dumped me and then asked me out again. so in all, it was three weeks. also, i am just not attractive. i don't care what my mother says, she only says it because i'm her daughter and she has to. i'm not pretty or at all attractive to anyone in any way, and i doubt i ever will be. it's not fair, but life isn't, and it's the truth.

i'm the sort of girl who likes to be in a relationship that lasts a while...i like to feel loved, to feel like i matter enough to someone to have them stick around for a while. i like Claude, like him a lot, but i guess i just don't have the confidence to go and ask someone out. i just don't.

QUOTE OF THE DAY
Paralyzed. Nothing's getting through to me.
Hypnotized from all my surroundings.
I wanna be something I could never be.
I wanna say things that I could never say.
Yeah, I'm gonna do it again!
Sick of my life. I'm tired of everything in my life.
Dragged down. Rubbing my face in the ground.
No time for the undecided.
I wanna know why I've always felt alone,
And I wanna love. Why am I untouchable?
Yeah, I'm gonna do it again!
Sick of my life. I'm tired of everything in my life.
I never wanted to be sick of my life.
I'm tired of everything in my life

~Godsmack
~Sick of Life