Claude is going to the homecoming dance at his girlfriend's school with her. (his tall blonde, skinny girlfriend) :/ i think he tells me these things on purpouse. it drives me crazy, knowing that tonight, he's going to be out with her until midnight.
needless to say, i'm left out of our school's homecoming next friday.
maybe i'll go and kiss on a random girl in front of him, see what he says.
yeah right.
i never do stuff like that. ever. i have never been kissed, nobody's stayed in a relationship with me longer then a few weeks. but i think i've complained about that before. i can't say i haven't been danced with. Michaela found out i had never been danced with and all but dragged me out on the dance floor and danced with me. which was nice of her, i suppose.
maybe i should just accept that i'm the one that's supposed to sit on the sidelines, be happy about it, and make people glad they aren't me.
is it wrong of me to know Claude is committed, know it, but give him hugs all the time, and flirt (just a little)? i just can't help it! it makes me feel...safe. protected. like i could face anything.
you know, i don't see what the big deal is about me liking girls and boys. there's nothing wrong with that, is there? people seem to enjoy making me miserable over it. i don't let it show, but it's annoying. i hate it.
and i'm getting a little bit bemused with my friends. especially Kate. she acts all like, nice to me, for the most part, but then every once in a while, something shows through that makes me think she would rather i just went away, like Two Fish, Red Fish, and Blue Fish.
i can't help but feel a little hurt. at the start of their idea of a band, i was included, i was going to be bassist. but then i sit next to them in choir, and her and Emily seem to be planning their band with Jesse as bassist.
which i guess makes more sense. i'm not the greatest by far at bass. but they could have just SAID they didn't want me in the band. is that wrong of me, to feel a bit insulted at that?
of course i won't say anything. that would make me seem...i don't know...all those stupid, idiotic terms they use for people who have feelings.
i've also been thinking about..well...cats. i realized that i can put every single one of my friends as a type of cat. except me, because, well, i don't know me that well.
Rachel--is a bit like my aunt's siemese, Feebee. she acts all haughty and "don't touch me" but then when her guard goes down, she's really very loveable. except Feebee isn't really loveable, exactly. she lets you pet her. when she's sleeping...
Billie--the playful young cat whos just barely out of kittenhood and not hugely cuddley anymore. not that she ISN'T cuddly, she just acts all tough and not cuddley.
Kate--kind of like a playful, fluffy, cuddley kitten. a lot like my siemese kitten, Dreamah.
Tricia--exactly like Feebee. the only times you catch her off her guard and loveable is when she's too tired to act up.
Amy--the loveable stray. you know, the one that really doesn't belong to anyone but will let you pet it a lot and pick it up occasionally.
Emily--the one that wants to be played with A LOT but the moment she decides things aren't going her way, she attacks. viciously. (i hope to the powers that be she never reads this..)
Claude--like my cat Bonners. he likes to be petted but sometimes hurts your feelings a bit by just kind of leaving. except Bonners just leaves. Claude insults sometimes.
Jesse--he's...more like the adult cat that sticks around to make sure the younger ones don't play too rough.
Alisha--a lot like my Oscar...the one that loves to be played with but sometimes gets just a tad bit carried away (more like a LOT carried away. i have a few scars from his "games." ouch. )
and i guess...i would be more like a puppy then a cat. like..a golden retriever, or some dog that gets really attatched to it's owners. i can't help but follow people around obediently. slightly annoying, but obedient and loyal. like a puppy.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
Hello, hello, this is Romeo
Calling from a jackpot telephone
Shame, shame, but I love your name
And the way you make the buffalo roam
Oh fly, fly, I guess this is goodbye
Oh you packed up your heart
And you left no souvenirs
But if you want me you can call me
In the night you know where Ill be
Broken lover you can touch me
In the dark the innocent cant see
You lock it up now hide the key
It would mean surrender to let me see
Oh brave, brave soldier keep it under cover
You fell alone like no other lover
Burn the pictures break the records
Run far away to a northern town
Sell your fear and leave me standing here
With no souvenirs
Once, twice I thought it might be nice
To come into your kitchen and play
Cool, cool just a crazy fool
I never saw it any other way
Oh wait, wait I guess Im just too late
Oh you made up your mind
Love shouldnt be so hard
But if you want me you can call me
In the night you know where Ill be
Broken lover you can touch me
In the dark the innocent cant see
You lock it up now hide the key
It would mean surrender to let me see
Oh brave, brave soldier keep it under cover
You fell alone like no other lover
Burn the pictures break the records
Run far away to a northern town
Sell your fear and leave me standing here
With no souvenirs
No shirts, no shoes
No jackets, no blues
You cars for sale
You forward your mail
Youre growing your hair
You dont want to know where
Im calling you from
Or how come
But if you want me you can call me
In the night you know where Ill be
Broken lover you can touch me
In the dark the innocent cant see
You lock it up now hide the key
It would mean surrender to let me see
Oh brave, brave soldier keep it under cover
You fell alone like no other lover
Burn the pictures break the records
Run far away to a northern town
Sell your fear and leave me standing here
With no souvenirs
~Melissa Ethridge
~No Souvenirs
love,
Brianna
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