if you really think about it, really really take the time to take an unbiased look at views of good and evil...there is no good and there is no evil. just because one person believes that something is good and something is evil, well, maybe someone else has the exact opposite view.
i don't do what i think is good, or right. i do what is in line with my values. i help people, because i think that's what we're all here to do: help others who need it. some people don't believe that, that's okay. myself, i'd probably throw myself in the line of fire to save someone that i hardly knew.
i avoid things that i don't believe fit into my line of values. i'm a vegetarian...i don't kill:i don't even kill a bug if i don't have to. (i'm even hesitating on my bug project for biology. i don't want to kill anything! unless you count mosquitoes...and i actually only kill those if they've landed right on me.) (does that make me pathetic?)
i hate being alone. i don't really count my parents as company: at mom's, she's always either yelling at me or critisizing me, and at dad's, it's like he says a few things to me and then "spending quality time" with me is playing music we both like while i cut up veggies and he puts it all into soup or something like that. or he shows me music videos on the internet. the rest of the time he just sits there at his computer and either works or plays his video game.
he's not even here right now. at least when he's here i actually have someone there to pretend i'm not feeling like shit to.
i'm sick of not raising a finger to anyone. i can't stand up for myself. it doesn't matter what someone does to me, i always just pretend like it didn't affect me. if my friend is having a bad day and loses it when they happen to be talking to me, i just take it.
one friend in particular. she hasn't done anything yet this year, but i'm waiting for it to happen. there's this one guy she feels like she has to impress all the time, and if he's anywhere near, she treats me like shit. one time, she just walked into the room and i started to tell her something and i had hardly finished a sentance when she told me to go die in a fire. i very nearly cried. before i did, i just left. i don't know if she thought it was funny, but that still hurts. she never apoogized...the closest thing to an apology i ever got and ever will get from her is that she starts talking to me about something with this look on her face that basically says "please don't talk about it." so i don't. i just let her walk all over me. and a few other friends, too. my cousin. random people that i don't even know that well. even the friends that mean well and i know don't try to just walk over me where i've already been steamrolled, which makes it so they really don't make quite as much of an indent because i've already been turned into a welcome mat.
what is wrong with me????????? why do i put up with it?????????????????????????
i wish i could tell Billie and Kate and Emily why i won't ask Claude out, but i can't. i already know he'd say no and that's all there is to it. they think he'd say yes, but i think they're trying to feed me a false confidence. not on purpouse...i'm just not dateable!!!!!!!!! i can't even say why i won't, because i don't really understand it myself.
i like this song, so it will be my
QUOTE OF THE DAY
We watch the season pull up its own stakes,
And catch the last weekend of the last week,
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced.
Another sun soaked season fades away.
You have stolen my heart.
You have stolen my heart.
Invitation only grand farewells.
Crash the best one, of the best ones.
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight.
You have stolen my heart.
You have stolen my heart.
And from the ballroom floor we are a celebration.
One good stretch before our hibernation.
Our dreams assured and we all will sleep well, sleep well.
Sleep well, sleep well, sleep well.
You have stolen,
You have stolen,
You have stolen my heart.
I watch you spin around in your highest heels.
You are the best one, of the best ones.
We all look like we feel.
You have stolen my,
You have stolen my,
You have stolen my heart.
~Dashboard Confessional
~Stolen
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