Brain Probes

i'm sick and tired of going and having people dig through my head!!!

really. i mean, i know i've had problems, but i was getting over it without all this crap. i hadn't done anything since March, and then at the beginning of June, my mom saw those really deep cuts that i had done in March and marched me off to the shrinks again. screw her. i hate it!!! i'm sick of all those crackpots raking through every inch of my mind with fine-toothed combs. not that it does much--i'm very good at hiding things in my head. i go into my Liar's Palace.

i came up with the idea when i read "Trickster's Queen" in the Tricksters series by Tamora Peirce. [she's my favorite author.] the main character in this story is Aly, who is a spy. to avoid getting caught with truthspells, she goes into her liar's palace, where she has created a totally different person inside of herself. i thought this was genius, so i came up with my own Liar's Palace. the person in this Liar's Palace is Brii, a cheerful, happy, selfless girl that doesn't care what anybody thinks of her, or what people tell her. she's fearless and bold. she's the girl i was when i was really little.

and it works, until i crack under all the pressure. like last night, i started crying and shaking, and i couldn't stop. i couldn't take it anymore. not that anybody believed that i really was crying, they probably thought i was faking. they usually do. which is fine by me, i would rather people thought i was faking then know the truth--that i'm weak, selfish, ugly, and a number of other things that i don't care to list.


you know, people find it strange that i'm so...un-religeous, and yet i'm so spritual. i am proud of being spritual and introspective. i can tell things about myself that others can't in this way. i need something to be proud of, right?

Mom always says, when i do something wrong that i'm ashamed of, to stand up straight and be proud of myself. she tells me to be proud when i mess up. she only says that when she thinks i'm only acting ashamed of myself. it gets very frusturating.

well, i'm going to go. i have other things to do...

Quote of the Day
A wreched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid quiet when we hear it cry,
But were we burdened with a like weight of pain,
As much or more should we ourselves complain.
~William Shakespear

Peace,
Brii333